Garden Massacres

Pass this post by, if you are of a squeamish disposition!

Last year I realised my box hedges were under attack from box moth caterpillar. I have tried spraying them with supposedly eco-friendly anti-bug stuff but there is no sign that this particular liquid has that much effect on them. I experimented by taking a caterpillar away and spraying it in a pot: it died, but I suspect that it may have drowned rather than suffered any chemical effects.

A gardening website suggests ‘physical removal’ is the only way forward: you take the caterpillars away, and dispose of them. I quickly decided that physical removal, putting the insects into a bucket and, I don’t know, pouring boiling water on them, would be a bit of a waste of time, and I am afraid I have taken to squidging them in situ. If they have to die, squidging is probably quicker and more humane than the chemical or boiling options, and it helps that they don’t get bigger than about 15mm long. They are not hard to spot, although I rarely see them out and about, as they mainly stay secluded in their little webby shelters made by fastening leaves together. I don’t know why they bother doing this until they are ready to pupate, as one of the frustrating things about box moth caterpillar is that they have no natural predators: their green-and-black bodies are full of toxins which make the birds avoid them, when they would otherwise benefit greatly from the easy-to-eat protein crawling everywhere across the hedges. Possibly the funky smell that arises from crushed caterpillars gives a clue to their unpalatability. There would be enough to feed quite a few hungry birds.

It's all very unpleasant and not something I really like to admit doing; perhaps I rightly ought to let the caterpillars reduce my box hedges to bare sticks, which they will happily do if allowed. I do apologise to God, or nature, before beginning a few minutes’ murderous work over a lunchtime. At least, given the caterpillar numbers, I will not be stuck for a garden job for some time to come.