This week I've taken two big funerals at the crematorium, big enough to fill the chapel and some, attenders standing all round the sides and down the central aisle, and out into the narthex. The first was for a woman who died of an aggressive and nasty cancer in her forties, and naturally there was a lot of emotion. The second was for a man who was also only in his sixties, and carried a certain amount of intra-family tension; he was also a member of the ambulance service and so the local branch's banner was carried ahead of the coffin and there was an honour guard of boys and girls in green Service overalls.
I was exhausted at the end of both these services. I feel increasingly that the priest acts as a spiritual lightning rod on these occasions, and that all the emotion present ends up channelled through you. The size of the funeral makes no difference: I've presided at big funerals where that sense of strain has not been present at all. Nor do tears, on their own, seem to be the deciding factor: some tearful funerals I've taken haven't been charged in this way at all. There is something more subtle happening. It would be interesting to see whether humanist funeral celebrants have the same experience.
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I have been to two funerals recently in which I think many of the congregation felt like a lightening rod. One was for a woman of 50 - cancer, whose funeral service in a local CofE church was attended by 300 or so (even though she had no faith). The other was that of a baby who lived a matter of hours. I was by no means the closest on either occasion - I probably wasn't even in the closest half. But I too felt exhausted. I imagine that you do too, but suspect that you were by no means alone on either occasion in your exhaustion.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that every funeral I've been too in recent years had led me to being incredibly annoyed with the celebrant. Is it so hard to pronounce someone's name properly?
ReplyDeleteI've only got that wrong once (as far as I know). Most of the time people are very understanding when you make a mistake, and mistakes are inevitable eventually. But equally everyone only gets one funeral so you try not to!
ReplyDeletePlease see my post here, which quotes you: http://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/2011/02/are-you-a-lightning-rod/
ReplyDeleteYou have provoked a very valuable discussion which still has, I feel, some way to go.