Stretching Credulity

Here's another in our occasional series 'Media Misrepresentations of Clergy and Churchy Stuff' and given the last post it's a coincidence that it comes courtesy of a TV drama scripted by former Dr Who  showrunner Steven Moffat and starring David Tennant, having a break in between stints portraying the good Doctor themselves. Not having a TV licence I have no option of watching Inside Man as broadcast, and judging by the reviews I am not much inclined to seek it out. The story begins as parish priest Harry Watling agrees to look after a memory stick from a parishioner who wants to hide it from their mother. His son's tutor ends up looking at it, finds it contains child porn, the vicar's son claims it's his without knowing what's on it, and his father knocks the tutor over the head and locks her in his cellar while he works out what to do next. Needless to say, this is not a wise move. What's more, he does this not to protect his son, but the parishioner who gives him the USB stick because he claims he has a duty of care to a vulnerable person. Several reviewers have pointed out how weird and unrealistic the whole show is. I will merely observe that Rev Watling has somehow managed to avoid the umpteen and endless safeguarding courses that all the rest of us have had to go on over recent years which lay out in pitiless detail what we are supposed to do whenever anything remotely like this comes our way. The procedure is roughly:

1. Break out in a cold sweat

2. If you are in a safe place, such as your parsonage, run around screaming

3. Call the Diocesan Safeguarding Department and gabble an incoherent explanation

4. Do what they tell you

5. DON'T DO ANYTHING ELSE LIKE LOCKING PEOPLE IN YOUR CELLAR

That this drama has come out at the same time as the Church of England's Past Cases Review is especially ironic, as it's clearly written by someone who doesn't know how we now all have safeguarding processes positively riveted into our heads by those responsible. Perhaps Mr Moffatt should have conversed with his fellow Dr Who writer Paul Cornell, who's married to the Vicar of Fairford. Nothing like having a clerical consultant on hand.