Ms Kittywitch has been in hospital with what, eventually, turned out to be a perforated bowel and an infection on top of it. This is no
joke for anyone, let alone a longstanding heart-and-lung transplant survivor
whose immune system barely functions. Lots of prayers were offered from various
religious traditions and I found myself arguing to the Lord that I was sure her
earthly work wasn’t done yet, and although there was a day or two early on when
the doctors really thought it was unlikely she would make it, she’s now
conscious, communicating, and posting on LiberFaciorum again.
Paradoxically my miserable nature prompts me always to reflect
that my earthly work may well be coming to an end – although it does one good
to remember that one’s time is indeed limited, this is a silly thought
otherwise. Yet this dour consideration doesn’t have the effect it used to: once
I would have said I was quite frightened by the prospect of dying, and now I
don’t think I am. I find myself reflecting more and more frequently what a good
and gentle life I have had which has furnished me with much to enjoy and be
thankful for, and if I had to leave it tomorrow I wouldn’t feel hard done by in
any way. Even the prospect of what might happen afterwards doesn’t impinge on
that feeling of contentment too much as it has to be left to the God who is
merciful and just and will do with me just what I, were I in my right mind and
possession of all the facts, would choose to do with myself.
Yet it occurs to me that contentment is privileged. Oppressed
people down the centuries have looked to the postmortem state to bring reward,
restitution, and justice – or, at the very least, rest – and so the story in
Luke 16 becomes naggingly appropriate: ‘remember, son, in life you received
your good things, and Lazarus his evil things’.
I was in a far darker place some while ago when my daily Bible
reading placed a line from Psalm 118 in front of me: ‘I will live, and declare
the works of the Lord’. This is probably all I need to remember, and maybe I
should carry it with me!
I hope Ms. Kittywitch makes a full and happy recovery.
ReplyDeleteContentment is, as you say, a condition of privilege. It is denied to more than just the oppressed. There are those who grieve or are worried over things they have done or not done, and do not feel assured of God's mercy. Maybe they are the self-oppressed in this life. Either way, may they find contentment as well.
Indeed!
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