Did I Say That?

My only contribution to the election autopsy is this. Apparently Tory canvassers were going round the country waving copies of former Labour Chief Secretary to the Treasury Liam Byrne's famous note to his successor – ‘Dear Chief Secretary, I'm afraid there is no money. Kind regards and good luck! Liam.’ I'm not surprised if that was so; I was fairly outraged when I heard about it, and Mr Byrne himself admits to being ‘burnt with shame’ every day since, as well he might be. It seemed to speak of such arrogance: to treat the finances of the country, which have such an impact on the lives of millions of people, as a bit of a game. No, there wasn't any money left. No, it wasn't really very funny.

The trouble is, we've all been there. My friend the Dean Emeritus of Guildford Fr Victor Stock once published a book of diaries from his time as Vicar of St Mary le Bow in the City (he maintains half the hierarchy of the Church of England lives in fear of the next volume coming out), and in it there are several absolutely cringeworthy accounts of mis-speaking, usually in attempts to be amusing. ‘Why did I say that?’ Fr Victor asks himself on a number of occasions. And I can recall equally appalling instances – using appalling in its original meaning, implying something that positively drains the blood from one's face – of throwaway remarks I have made which are just not the right thing to say. They have, for some reason, usually occurred in the context of weddings when I am trying to be amusing to put people at their ease, and instead go a bit hysterical. As Fr Victor warns, ‘too funny isn't funny at all’.

These moments of catastrophic inappropriateness are as demonic in nature as anything is, and steal upon us when we feel just comfortable enough in our role, whatever it is, to forget ourselves and allow the sort of humour that helps us get through a job to leak out into the light. At least my slip-ups will have done nothing more damaging than make people think I'm an idiot, rather than contribute perhaps rather significantly to the loss of a General Election. Poor man; silly bugger.