I Never Cared You Knew

I have no idea what algorithm led to an advert for Fewer Funerals popping up on my LiberFaciorum feed. This jolly initiative provides a place where people who vaguely know one another can agree not to go to one another's funerals. The image gives you some idea of the level of the humour: 'That's Fewer Funerals, not Fuhrer Funerals'. 

There are, as the video points out, many reasons for not going to someone's funeral. Perhaps you can't find the time off work, or you didn't know the deceased very well, or the calculation of utility - involving distance, time, familiarity, the desire to support friends or family - simply works out negative. We've all been there. The website, where you and others can register your desire not to have vague acquaintances or work colleagues attend your obsequies, states that its main consideration is to fend off criticism from others for not going, and it's unhelpful for anyone to feel positive pressure to go to a funeral service.

What strikes one, though, is the cheerful callousness dressed up as humour. On the video, neighbours blithely disregard one another's horrible deaths (not funerals, note, but deaths), while the website's logo looks like this:

One of the stated reasons for going to fewer funerals is that you'll contribute less to global warming (well, you could do that either by being strict about using trains or buying an electric car), or, 'last but not least, having more time to do things you want to do, like watching your favourite box sets'. The little character on the screen is watching Six Feet Under, but given the guidance the website gives you on 'Five Things You Can Do Instead of Attending a Funeral', I'm not that sure it's a joke at all. 

The gentleman behind all this states that:

A man who’s been involved in the funeral business for decades and the first person to introduce the concept of natural burials, Ken West, said if only he’d had a pound for everyone who has told him ‘just put me in a bag and throw me in a hole when I pop my clogs.’ I think this shows that there are a lot of like minded people out there who are aware that, if their own funeral isn’t of great importance to them, then it shouldn’t be of great importance to the people who are thinking about attending.

It is true that you do hear that, though usually second-hand because it is reported by relatives. Funnily enough, they never want to stick granddad in a bag in a hole. And 'granddad' is correct, because I've never heard of a woman expressing these opinions. That's because, I suspect, they are fake. They are a weird assertion of self-reliance, an insistence on 'not making a fuss', and a declaration of bravado, all of which are ways of avoiding emotion. It's mainly men who are prey to this sort of nonsense. 

Once upon a time none of this would arise. If someone died in your community, you'd be there: the coffin would be carried past even if you weren't following it. If they died away from your community, even if you knew them well, even if you loved them, you probably wouldn't be able to go. There was, rightly, no individual choice to be exercised; rightly, because death is not an individual matter. It is a matter of our common humanity, and those who shy away from marking that probably steer clear of the depths - and heights - of life as well.

One of the reasons the Fewer Funerals video gives for not going to a funeral (or any, perhaps) is that 'some people just don't like getting dressed up'. I doubt they'd say the same about weddings, though I don't particularly enjoy those most of the time. There are all sorts of justifications you can force yourself to, if you're desperate enough to avoid life, and the death that is part of it.