Regeneration Assured

Any services involving large numbers of people who aren't very used to being in churches are hard to predict; even more so when children take a prominent role in them. 

It may be an awkward truth, but as a rule the baptisms of children from middle-class families are normally quiet and biddable. Even if people feel uncomfortable in a church environment they are keen to do as they are supposed to do, and do their best to appear to take an interest. They don't fiddle with their phones, or smirk and chatter mockery - a particular temptation for young working-class chaps to cover up the fact that they don't know quite what to do in church. And why should they?

But the children may have other ideas. This Sunday I was baptising two brothers, one aged not quite 5, the other a little under 3. Frankie the elder sat on the side of the font and having realised he wasn't going to go bodily into it all was well. But Jake - Jake saw what had happened to his brother and wanted none of it. Even while in his mother's arms he was wailing 'Put me down! Put me down!' Mum held him over the threatening waters and in amidst his thrashing and screaming I feel fairly sure I managed to get water somewhere on his head three times, which is what is required. Had he kept still less of it would have gone down the back of his collar, poor little chap. He did calm down after that and within a minute or two the pair of boys were racing round the church in hard hats raided from the dressing-up box playing Bob the Builder, such that they had to be retrieved when required for a later part of the liturgy. 'Jake hates having his hair washed,' mum and dad grimaced apologetically, 'Bath time is just a trauma.'