We have a new colleague in the clergy team locally who is looking after the daughter church of Hornington Parish Church. She led Morning Prayer the other day, on the weekly occasion when we gather together to say the Office rather than doing so in our respective churches. We read the unwieldy wodges of Scripture that the Lectionary foists on us daily, and our new colleague asked if we'd like to share any reflections on them, not something we're used to. There was silence and to kick things off she made a very proper, pious statement about trust in God the connection of which to the Old Testament reading I couldn't quite see. I then said I'd found that particular reading completely incomprehensible until I remembered how a New Testament passage had taken up the imagery. The Rector of Hornington commented how the reference to trees had made him think of Christmas trees which were much on his mind.
Perhaps it's because, alone among the other clergy locally, I am single that I reach the point where I can't stand the sound of my own voice. There are moments when I'm attempting to lead prayers, for instance, when disgust at the appallingly trite agglomeration of reorganised Christian clichés that's coming out of my mouth threatens to overwhelm me completely. 'Oh for God's sake, shut up', I want to tell myself. That's one of the reasons why I like the Office, because they are not my words, I'm not constantly having to produce stuff, but can just listen to God for a while. Does anyone else ever feel the same? Perhaps I may find out.
I think you are alone. I, for one, think the sound of your voice singing and speaking is beautiful. I also think your creativity and ability to produce, articulate and form the spoken language (not to mention your other talents) is well worth listening to. It is an art form in itself. I can appreciate that you don't like it, but I don't think this reflects the truth. One of the beautiful things about the human is our ability to communicate with eachother. Yes, silence is vital, but speaking is beautiful. You are no exception.
ReplyDeletealthough, on reading your post again, it is no surprise you get word production fever. Silence and not generating speach for others can be so beautiful.
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